→ NEW WORLD

Coming into Cal Poly Pomona, I couldn't say I was the happiest person. I got rejected to San Diego State and I was torn... Things turned out for the better when I researched that CPP had a top notch hospitality program. So here I am updating my first 4 weeks: to summarize it in a couple words... I'm enjoying it. It's not as lively as I thought it'd be but I realized that IT IS a commuter school. The campus size is decent, the teachers so far are really good. The white girls are phenomenal! One big difference is the shortage of Asians here, bittersweet. Things are different, pretty darn different. I'm cooking every night and the freedom is something I'm enjoying, but there is a little bit of me that misses my overly concerned mother. And that's that for school.

To what I believe is a much more serious matter, I've been struggling to feel wanted, appreciated, and important. I'm sure it's a little bit of everything that accumulated for me to feel this way. I'm off into a totally new world not knowing a person that goes to Pomona, and it's been quite difficult to establish myself into groups because people don't have the same interests as me here, or so it seems so far. Along with that, I miss feeling the importance I felt back in San Francisco, my friends, my family. They made me feel like I belonged to something and I can't wait to be back to just relax with them. Having to spend my birthday alone working on a 7 page paper and studying for a midterm crushed me. It wasn't the fact that I had to do work, it was more that I felt nobody cared... nobody noticed, I wasn't anything special to anybody.

And that's where I bring the girl I've been blogging about back, things have been awfully rough for me and you don't seem to even notice. I couldn't stand seeing the sight of you hugging that guy in pictures, I lost control of myself. The way you spoke to me that night and the way you were letting things go reminded me of the past. You never gave a shit, nor do you give a shit now. You are still the same person, and I just have to bang that flaw into my head so I can just continue on... Trust me, I'm getting there but there are instances where memories I have with you causes me to fall into a rut. I thought we'd be able to be friends, but I'm not able to... Nor do I want someone so discouraging that doesn't appreciate me as a person.

One thing about me is when I invest time in a girl I like and care for, I dive right in. I have to learn from my past so I don't keep coming across girls who don't appreciate me. I find myself a decent looking guy that thought he knew all about getting a girl, but I find myself lost when finding the right girl. It just hasn't came to me yet, where a girl has a mutual care and attraction similar to mine. I've recently been told that I show my cards to fast, maybe that's it, I'm too nice when it comes to girls I fall for. I end up being taking advantage and being unappreciated, and that might be the worst feeling for me. Over and over...


I'll learn soon.