→ GSW/M8 RANT

Honestly, Mark Jackson coming in might not have been the best idea the Warriors could have made. I much rather see Lawrence Frank as the coach since he focuses on defense. Anyways, trade talks about M8 is storming Yahoo! headlines and I for one, despise it. I’m definitely a Monta lover/fan, he takes over the game and provides such a thorough game from jump shots, spectacular drive ins, steals, to down dirty hustle plays. I understand Monta takes bad shots at times and is an undersized two guard but you lose much more than that if he’s traded. I don’t see Ellis lacking defense, it’s size, he is an undersized two guard facing opponents such as Kobe and Dwade. Monta has matured into a leader and the team has embraced his leadership. The team chemistry is great and mixing the starting 5 could mess up the chem. I can’t imagine anyone else having the ball at crunch time and taking over the game besides Ellis, no one who we’re potentially looking at can take over the came like Monta.
I don’t believe the problem is Monta for the Warriors, it’s the 1. Coaching (which we sort of, hopefully, fixed) 2. The lack of a true center 3. A bench that can show up night in and night out. If we are able to pick up a decent center during this year’s draft (which doesn’t seem too likely) we could be a lot better. Couple weeks after the end of the season, I read an article on Biedrin’s building his confidence rather than basketball skills during the off season. Andris….. I had high hopes for a comeback last year, but he hasn’t shown up for me. If he can play like he did before his injury, we’d have a better shot at “something”.. Third, the bench: We need more depth in the rotation, I wouldn’t mind wiping off half the bench and picking up new players. I could live without a lot of them due to their lack of consistency and just straight up scrub-ness. I don’t wholesomely blame the bench players for their inconsistency, Keith Smart was blind and could not utilize his players. Our starters player 40+ minutes throughout the whole season when Smart could have played our bench. Smart put out line ups where no offense could possibly be ran, we looked bad. No disrespect, I think Smart was a great and genuine guy but not a great Head Coach.
With that said, I’m hoping for roster changes in our bench and the center position. The Iggy for Monta trade is fair, but I’m not a big fan of Iggy. His shot and offense isn’t consistent which means he will not be the primary guy to go to. His size and length will benefit us for defense but I much prefer Monta.
Excited for next season, let’s try to aim for playoffs… I just want the Warriors wearing the “WE BELIEVE” tee’s instead of Memphis.

→ RETREATING, RETREATED

Past few days I've been in Lake Tahoe with a group of counselors from my church's day camp that I'll be working for during the summer. This retreat came to me as a surprise since I found out last minute that I'll be leaving for 3 days to a cabin. With that said, I normally enjoy retreats but don't necessarily get anything from them (which is my fault since I don't follow through). Going into this retreat, I had no expectations except a delicious buffet and to joke around like I normally do. So I guess you can say with little expectation, my expectations were met and exceeded, I had a blast. The atmosphere was amazing, everyone was smiling and enjoying their getaway as much as possible...... TOGETHER. The chemistry of each group and the whole staff seemed to be clicking in different ways such as being serious with work/God but being able to crack jokes together. I learned how to play Monopoly Deal and did 3am pranks which were the reasons of being sleep deprived. 

I think more importantly were the conversations I had during this retreat. Yes, I laughed constantly but the conversations MADE the retreat for me. I contemplated a lot about my spiritual life and relationship with my Father. Struggling together, my brother Erick and I talked to each other about our perspectives on praying, reading the bible and temptations. Being so similar to each other, we shared similar outlooks and questions and felt the need to attain answers. Sadly we did not turn to God for answers, rather to someone who I feel is an angel sent by God to guide me and my life.... Allan. My mind was stuck on this question I had for myself which was "What happens when I doubt more than I trust?" And this question could possibly summarize my current spiritual life. I'm having more doubts then faith, it's not something I'm proud of but more of an obstacle I'm struggling with. I doubt myself with doing the "spiritual" ish as well as doubting the possibly of getting into heaven because of these such deeds. I came to Allan for answers and assistance, and our talk helped a lot. 

With my lifestyle and values, I didn't feel guilty because of what Allan said. I asked him was it wrong to not do the "church stuff" and told him the fact that even if I tried I'd probably wouldn't be able to do it. He told me it's not wrong and that God is not looking for deeds instead the key to heaven's gate revolves around the genuine relationship you have with God. I then thought, well I do feel I have a real relationship with God but maybe it's not genuine since if it was, I'd be WANTING to read the word and praying daily. So that was my problem but I knew I wouldn't be doing the "church stuff" since I had no motivation and just wasn't my priority. Every time I read the Bible I feel like I know the material already since I've been in church my whole life being spoon fed bible verses, parables, and ideas. So due to the repetitive scene I got tired and bored, but Allan helped me realize that I haven't really experienced anything. Ultimately he didn't force me to read the Bible but instead advised me to just relax and allow the time to come for me to experience Him. I felt at ease knowing God does not totally push me away despite the lifestyle I live, rather waits on me and when the time comes He'll embrace me. I wondered why Allan told me to just live life instead of pushing me to do something about my spiritual life if I realized that something was wrong. I came to the conclusion that if I really want a relationship with God, I'd pursue it myself; but to force a relationship with Him it wouldn't be sincere nor genuine. With that said, I guess all I can say is I won't be forcing something that's not there, I'll simply wait until the time comes.

→ AT

Approximately a week ago I received one of the most heart-warming emails I've ever got. I did not expect this at all but it was from one of the few people I can really call my best friend, Andrew. The email was great and addressed a lot of things that I took for granted like our friendship. He told be about his troubles and how glad he was to have me, and it was just amazing because it wasn't something I hear from him on the daily. I probably see him once every month or so but for him to still think we're as strong as before, helped ease my guilt for not really trying to keep up in his life. He told me I was his motivation for school, but in reality, he was my support/encouragement to do be studious and do well in school as we both told each other back in high school how hard we really must work to succeed. At this point in my life, I'm glad I have a friend I can really see being part of my wedding. I'm not quite sure how many people I can say this about; Yes I have a great group of friends but will they be there til my special day? I know he will. He reminded me... "Please know whatever you're pursuing in life, i'll be there as supportive motivation. I am content with our connection, definitely a brother like. No matter what we face in life, my intuitive way of looking at our relationship, simply; nothing will brake it. Thank you, man, thank you. " It's just amazing, I can't wait to see him every day of the summer.

→ REAL

And when you thought you knew someone you called a "close friend" everything seems to be questioned when you find out the lies that have been told. Being so genuine to the person and thinking the same realness was reciprocated wasn't the case, in fact, the other person has actually been keeping away more things than you thought. I've been pretty selective on the people I've "chose" to be close with and to find out that a person I trusted and cared for has been telling me things that weren't necessarily true, sucks. I've always been real to people, I have no idea why a close friend would feel the need to keep secrets and say something else. A stranger I'd be more understanding of. I understand a person isn't going to spill their whole life to me, but why lie or give me half of what I give you. I didn't know being genuine was such a hard thing to do, I guess I was blessed with that trait. What I'm asking for is.. Just be real to me, I don't need to hear some excuse lie, just give it to me as it is...

→ CAN I LIVE?

I can not wait until I'm able to transfer out of Skyline, more importantly, get out of the city. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the city of San Francisco and I can not see myself living anywhere else but I just need a change in environment. This change I hope for, will help me experience the world and just live life and learn.

In San Francisco, it's lovely; all my friends are here, I'm familiar with places, and I have a loving family, but the problem is (as bad as it sounds) they care way too much. I wouldn't want them to care any less but I'm living under so many restrictions where I feel like I can't enjoy myself without the thought of my mom worrying or being mad if I come home late. And when I say late, it not even that late... I understand my past wasn't the best but I've been doing so much better in numerous areas in my life that I feel they should understand enough to let me just go out. I've stopped smoking, I've been more than on top of my education and spending time with the family is a routine. I'm overall a decent child. Can I live?

Honestly, I'm not doing anything wrong and I simply want to be with my friends. There's nothing wrong with that, being around friends is a retreat from the school stress that comes along with expectations my parent set. I focus on school enough, I need time to ease out and just relax. I've come to mature and see things in different perspective. I understand that I'm still young, there's bad people out there, and that she's still on the fence about the whole marijuana issue but I'm strong willed with a level head so I know better. I know what's good for me and what I can handle, I'm alright Mom. I'm smart and determined to be successful but now, I just need to live a little, that's all I'm asking for..

I'm such a family oriented person, where I eat dinner with my family every night and have weekend brunches. I joke around all day with them, and the bond is there since it's pretty much us 4 that we have. Why is it that you can't let me do my thing for one night? You know I'm still the same person, and will pick family over anything. I'm not going to turn bad, I will be the same respectful person I've grown up to be. You've raised me wonderfully, but I think it's time for you to let go and just see how I'll do in life. I'm not even asking you to let go of me completely, I just need a little room to breathe. Can I live?